Each day, I believe I will see the sun rise and fall. But if you asked me about my journey regarding faith, religion, spirituality or life philosophy, my answers would be much less clearcut.

My Polish father was a steadfast Roman Catholic until 1949, when he lost his only son. He then joined the Lutheran Church. Although a lifelong member, my Scottish mother was a casual practitioner of the Lutheran faith. I attended many church activities, but the doctrine and events failed to spark my commitment and passion.

I just couldn’t warm to what I felt is a hierarchical faith, a doctrine of male dominance over the Earth. Where God is an entity outside of my body and only humans have souls. As I discovered later, Northern European Shamanic spirituality has no doctrine. Here, souls exist in anything alive – humans, animals, plants. God/Goddess/Divinity resides in all living beings. There is no separation.

Still, it was my father who first taught me to respect, honor and be kind to all forms of nature. He was a subsistent farmer the first three years of my life. My only toys were either handmade or alive. A bunny I kept in the house, a goat and a lamb, which I also invited into the house, driving my mother nuts!

My father was recalled to the military when I was four and by the time I was eight we had relocated 23 times! Each move was a lesson in local natural life. When he wasn’t on military missions, my dad took me fishing and camping, We always had a dog and chickens and also nursed hurt wild animals back to life. By the time I was 13, I had housing for a bird, a tortoise, a lizard and a hamster in my room. My walls were papered with Brownie and Girl Scout nature projects. Movers once asked my mother, “What shall we do with the things in your boy’s room?”

Searching for spiritual connection, I began studying Renzi Zen Buddhism when I was 16. I also joined the Unitarian Universalist Church and explored North European Shamanism. It was these latter two paths that opened my eyes and heart. I realized I had fallen in love with Mother Earth as Goddess! From then on, I could not read, learn and share thoughts enough about Her. The Divine expressed as Mother Earth! And I and all of nature shared Her Divine energy! Mother Earth is Divine, and I am Her. I have practiced Earth-centered spirituality now for over 60 years.

The Divine speaks to me without words. I connect with Her outdoors. She is there when I watch a candle flicker, when looking at the moon, when smelling a flower. She speaks when I least expect Her to reach out to me. She guides me in coping with collapse as I feel, touch and speak my endless gratitude for my full, rich life.

When Silent Spring was published, I knew Rachael Carson had heard the pain of our Mother Earth, our Goddess. I knew that Mother Nature, as Goddess, was giving us a chance to change, “Before She would shake us off Earth like fleas off dog.” Every day, all day, I speak to Her.

I give Her thanks when it rains. When turning on a tap produces water. When I hear our solar batteries engage. When my computer or printer works properly. When my husband awakens. When my dog stares into my soul. I see Her omnipresence in humans, non-humans, plants, animals, minerals, water, and more.

I never understood the concept that God was only male. I love the idea of LOVE streaming from Earth. The word “Mother” defines the Earth’s behavior. She is the only home we’ve ever known. LOVE is Her gender. Nature as Goddess surrounds me with LOVE, like the wings of Isis wrapped around me when I am fearful and carried by LOVE, as in the poem Footprints.

My Zen leader, Joshu Susaki Roshi, told me decades ago, “Dying is only returning to nature.” I am totally at peace with Mother Earth reclaiming Herself. I accept chaos yet fear it more than death. Naomi Klein, climate activist, said it best, “I’m so much more afraid of cruelty than I am of death. How will we treat one another when we fall down, what will we do? Do we hold each other, or do we fight each other?” 

Author’s bio: Dr. Jacqueline Mackenzie is a 76-year-old deep ecologist, leasing (not buying!) an eco-Hobbit house in South Ecuador. She is a highly active DAF member, Editorial Circle member and DAF events facilitator.

Images by Jessica Groenendijk